Trying to Make Sense
Bad things happen; that’s not a secret. We can probably list at least five recently occurring things that directly or indirectly affect us. I know I can, and I’m almost positive you can too.
I’ll start.
My health is not great. I have a progressive neurovascular disease called MoyaMoya, but I’m also dealing with many comorbid symptoms and conditions. My doctor’s appointments are numerous, but not one person has been able to help me figure out why my body answers the way it does and how to dull the physical pain. Yet, I know it could be so much worse. Each day, I take a breath and get out of bed. I’m grateful.
A 2-week-old newborn, who was a much-wanted addition to a family, was killed in what is being called a tragic accident with the family dog. I had the mother as a student nearly two decades ago, but it breaks my heart.
The war on Ukraine is still happening, and this beautiful country I live in, the land of plenty, is not following Jesus’s words; it appears to be more worried about its worldly possessions than the lives of others.
Every day, it seems, someone else is killed by a gun, by anger, by hate, and it leaves me upset and feeling helpless to change anything.
The war on a woman’s body is never-ending. I was fortunate to have three pregnancies that didn’t need intervention. The medical interventions available are miracles but they are also a personal choice for families.I have three girls, and I worry about their future.
Five things, and I could go on. These items are a part of the reality I live. What I find most interesting is that I seldom question, “Why me?” regarding my personal health issues, but I struggle to find peace with what is happening to others. Why is that?
It is an internal struggle with the reality of what I see and hear versus the spiritual beliefs and connections I feel inside. I want to unpack that a bit because I’m not sure I completely comprehend it.
I see and hear these terrible things happening to others. I don’t think there is always an answer to the why. That may be my biggest struggle. Why? Internally, I know my why doesn’t matter. We’ve raised a special needs daughter who endured many medical and physical trials, but she still emerges every day with the brightest smile and can-do attitude. When I first got sick, I never blamed God, because I knew it was just a path that I was going to have to walk. When I had my near-death experience after my second brain surgery, I heard the voice of God telling me it was my choice to join him or stay on earth. I remember being terrified, but I knew he was giving me the option because it wasn’t my time to join him in eternal rest. I don’t know how I knew that. I just did.
We have no real control over how long our time as earthly beings is. We can stay as healthy as possible and still be struck by that bus. So many things could go wrong, but we cannot focus on that. We can focus on being our best as Christians and, honestly, as human beings. To me, this does not mean following a doctrine, declaring that some people are bad or wrong because of the color of their skin or the chemistry of their brain and body. It means not being better than or less than someone because of what earthly possessions you have.
Truthfully, I am working on this. We work hard, my husband at a paying job, me at the house, and with volunteer opportunities. We want to give our children everything (within reason), and we want them to be comfortable. So, we bought the bigger house, we have the two cars, we go on vacations, and they have nice clothing and electronics and never have to worry about where their next meal is coming from. Yes, we are blessed and never take that for granted, nor stop working to improve. However, we must also always realize how privileged we are and share that blessing and privilege whenever, and however we can. We have to do our part.
I’m left with so many questions and feelings. I know bad things happen to everyone. Bad things happen, and we have little control over them. What we do have control over is our reaction to these bad things. We may never be able to answer the “Why?” question, but perhaps we must rephrase it and ask, “What can I do about it?” instead. For now, my first answer is to pray. Pray for resolve, comfort, and a path toward helping and healing.
What do you do when you cannot answer the “Why?” question?